For Women: Post Divorce Dating Blunders - by Elisabeth Dabbelt
It is surprising how many smart, attractive, and accomplished women who are socially savvy
and still make dating blunders when on the first few dates of a potential relationship.
Try, try, try to avoid these tops.
1. Your Ex - Do not bring up past mistreatment or that you did not stand up for yourself
in your late marriage. The first dates are for showing your true self and inner strength,
not to start a pity party that takes the attention from you and the man you're with.
Likewise, don't put up with this from your date.
2. Your Kids - You love them and they are the center of your world, but the man you're
with is thinking that he might want to be in that spot. Focus on the moment and the
company you are keeping. There will betime enough to talk about little Johnny's food
allergies later on down the road. For now, concentrate on the game at hand.
3. Your Job - If you love your job that's great. Mention it briefly. If you dislike your
job, think of how your date will see you if you start carping about how much you hate your
job, your boss, or working conditions. You will not be seen in a good light, and that is
what the first few dates are about.
4. Your Money - Keep your financial accomplishments or shortcomings to yourself when you
are dating a man for the first time. Men who think of themselves as providers may be
turned off by the fact that you don't need any assistance from him, and men who are
well-off might think you are looking to be rescued if you complain about financial lack.
Also, men who are out to be "kept" may zero in on a situation that can be exploited. So
mum's the word until you understand each other's motives.
5. Your Sexual Escapades - This is inappropriate on the first date. Unless you want to
have sex with the man you are dating for the first time, do not bring up sex. Many men are
uncomfortable about hearing about a woman's list of lovers, so keep that information to
yourself and concentrate on making the best first impression possible. Any man who is
middle aged will understand that you have a sexual history, but keep it private until you
have a closer relationship.
As a rule of thumb, ask yourself these questions before you start talking about a subject:
- Will this subject keep the focus of the date on the two of us at this time?
- Will this subject make a good impression of me?
- Will this subject create tension or make the date go more smoothly?
- Will this subject disclose too much information about me?
Understand also that there is no necessity to stick to a subject that a man wants to talk
about if you are uncomfortable with that subject. Just tell him that you'd rather talk
about it another time.
